Kinda tired January 28, 2011

     Happy Friday!

     I don't know how I fell asleep last night. I just remember something about putting my computer down when the sounds were over and maybe getting some water first. I remember petting Princess somewhere in there. I woke up with my sweater at my feet, not remembering really how I fell asleep. I just remember being confused. I know I had a few dreams last night, and I know one was slightly exciting, but I don't think I ever remembered them at all when I woke up. Maybe I'm getting better at lucid dreaming though, because for some reason it feels like I am.

     Last night I talked to some people. One was really refreshing because it was nice to just have a serious chat. Someone that you could listen to and have listen to you. They were really considering my thoughts, and I miss that so much. Obviously they don't know me as well as my usual talking buddy and it definitely isn't the same, but I felt a little less lonely just for a little while. Another person told me that Jessi misses me, which I miss her too. I really do, it's good to hear. I haven't missed my alarm at all in the past three days. He also told me that she ate a cricket or a grasshopper. I forgot which, but for whatever reason she did, I'm proud of her. The last person I talked to made me a bit uncomfortable saying "she just needs time to think." I don't really know exactly why this was making me uncomfortable, but something about how he was putting things was slightly bothering me. Don't get me wrong at all, I'm glad she has time to think, but he says that like it's the only reason we're not talking. I'm probably misunderstanding him or something. I won't give it much thought.

     While I was listening to those "lucid sounds," my dad kinda just barged into my room. I put them in quotes because they make me feel kind of silly sometimes. They're super relaxing depending on the tracks I've picked though. So my dad walked in, but I was pretty mellow and I guess I didn't notice because my eyes were closed. He decides to take my computer off of my lap and start moving it. For one, the last time he did that I didn't exactly have a good experience afterward. Second, it scared me.

     Ah, I remember one of my dreams. I was talking to Jessi, but something was wrong. I could see it in her eyes and when she paused. She did that thing where she opens her mouth to speak, but then doesn't. It makes a little clicking noise. I miss talking to her when shes down. I miss her talking to me and cheering me up. When she started telling me to take deep breaths, I felt really safe.

     I'm suddenly hanging out with an old Cold Stone co worker. Mark and I are going to do...something? No idea what.

     I don't know why I haven't mentioned this yet, but almost everything reminds me of Jessi. It hurts. When my alarm goes off I smile a "good hear from you" smile, but it passes all too quickly.

     Library time, be right back.

     I return with not much to really talk about. 

     Well I could always talk about Jessi today. Jessi is pretty much always on my mind, and despite how well I want to wait, I can't help but miss her and think about her all the time. I can't help but see things that remind me of her. Other things I want to show her. It's like that one song. "I wish we could open our eyes, to in all directions at the same time." Shes explained it to me before, and I love how she explained it, but to me it means something else as well. Being this far apart, I wish that I could make her close her eyes, and when she opened them, she could see through mine for just a moment. Only as long as I wanted her to, so I could share the beautiful things that she is missing. I'm sure I'm missing plenty to, but some of these things I blog about because I want to share them.

     Nothing all too out of the ordinary is happening in the library today. Some Asian girl has slightly obnoxious pigtails and the guy behind me went on a small sneezing spree.

     Oh, another reason Snix was bringin' me down yesterday is that when I tried showing him the list of song titles made by friends and I, he bagged almost every single one. He didn't have an open mind to it whatsoever, and he just kept calling them stupid. It was painful, and I was getting pretty frustrated with him, though it didn't show.

     I'm going to go read some stuff by my favorite writer. Maybe I'll pick out some favorites. Then I'm going to go read my email. Lastly I plan to write a poem, maybe based on one of the titles. Maybe I'll edit the one I wrote yesterday first. I wonder if there is an English editing station somewhere where I could get some critique. That would be fun.
     I just realized. It's only been seven days. I find that extremely hard to believe. I know this would be a very expected thing to say, but it literally feels like it's been soo much longer than seven days. I realized how much I've been putting my hand to my chest recently. It's always something. I spin too. I'm trying to do what I've been told to do when things get rough, but I get overwhelmed and I need to be told sometimes. I'm glad I have something to read that will tell me such things. Every time I read my email, I know there is nothing new, but I've saved a few things, and things don't seem so bad. I think I'm going to sleep in the library a bit.
     Suddenly smiling, I'll be back for an edit when my day progresses.
     :J I ended up going to my email for a while, as much as I'd like to edit right now, there really isn't much to edit, so as a heads up, I don't plan to return until after practice. 
     My friend Michelle from high school walked me to swim today since I saw her in the library. We didn't talk much, but she sat with me for a bit while she studied and I wrote. I showed her the creepy picture on the side of one of the buildings at the college. Creepy really buff old people. Maybe I'll post it.
     Ah, I was late for practice. Apparently yesterday when I had lab, coach announced an early practice so he could leave early. I only got one hour in and it was kinda embarrassing. Nothing much though. I turned in my sports physical. What did I do today? Mark offered to help me get a job, along with Nicole and Brett. So things are looking pretty good in that category. I pretty much rested at home today. I spent a little time with my dad and a little time with my brother. 
     Oh! I know why I haven't done much, because I've been waiting for Mark to get back to me on hanging out, and someone else wanted to meet me today too. So today is a day of waiting. I remember I was getting a little annoyed earlier, but I'm getting some much needed rest. I might have someone to talk to tonight too! Which is an exciting change. I wish my day was more exciting, but really I feel chlorine in me and I'm not used to it. I could use some sleep. 
     Ah, note. I love my hair today, and apparently so do my parents. It's long, it's straight and smooth in front, but it does it's usual wave/flip in the back. Here, a brief picture, though it's been cooler when I was singing in the mirror. I was flipping it and smiling and stuff. Sorry the smile in the picture isn't as genuine as my smile when I was having fun singing. http://img816.imageshack.us/img816/272/110128202352.jpg

     Ah, suddenly EVERYONE talked to me on fb and I never got back to posting! I'll just put the pics up and call it for now. I'll probably be back... Update: I've been talking with soo many people on FB, I don't know how I became so popular... Will edit before bed.
     Edit: That creepy picture at Palomar http://img207.imageshack.us/img207/8484/100mediaimag0131.jpg
     More to come, but for now I'll just say that my swim coach speaks German. I also tried putting my hair into a ponytail today. It was funny, but I think I did it wrong because it hurt pretty bad.
     Last post of the night. First I'm going to shower. Then I'm gonna get some sleep and try to do some lucid dreaming. I'm gonna sleep in tomorrow, do some applying, finish the small amount of class stuff I have to do, and hopefully play dodgeball this time. 
     Maybe I'll catch some good shuteye tonight.
     Until tomorrow, goodnight readers, sweet dreams.